Are we in a gay sports bar?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
