Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
