I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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