i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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