I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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