After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
