Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
