Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
