i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
