So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
wow bdsm is so cute
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