I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
