go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
