oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
