dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
