just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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