There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
