My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
