Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
