barbara walters just said penis...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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