i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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