there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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