I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
