im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
