the condom got lost in my hair
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my shit smells like andre
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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