I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
