the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize