matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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