I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
