Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
