On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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