just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
