who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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