After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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