i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
