Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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