he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
