Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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