4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
