I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
