Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
