She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize