i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
