All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
