Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
