Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
