i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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