My room smells like vodka and shame
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize