She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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