She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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