Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
