I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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