Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
