Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
