Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
