my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
