Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
