You're so nebulous sometimes
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
