Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
