we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
