I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I looked at my own cervix.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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