The maid of honor just puked.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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