my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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