Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
